


Rip Me Apart and Leave me to Die

by soldmysoultofandoms



Series: Breathe [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Hurt Lance (Voltron), I'm Bad At Tagging, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Minor Allura/Lotor (Voltron), One-Sided Lance/Lotor (Voltron), Pining Lance (Voltron), Sexual Content, This is not love, set in season 5 and 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24207475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldmysoultofandoms/pseuds/soldmysoultofandoms
Summary: Lance told the jefe he never slept with the enemy.That was a lie.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron), Lance/Lotor (Voltron)
Series: Breathe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1740451
Comments: 2
Kudos: 65





	Rip Me Apart and Leave me to Die

When Lance first met Lotor, he was taken aback by just how beautiful he was. Strong, broad shoulders, jawline that could cut glass, hair so full and soft-looking that Lance was almost aching to run his fingers through it. 

And he had Keith’s eyes.

Keith.

Lance couldn’t help but feel abandoned by him. After all they went through, the bond that only grew stronger when he was announced as the new leader. It seemed to vanish into thin air as soon as he made his decision to join the Blade. 

And now they were working with Lotor, and if Lance knew anything, it was that people like Lotor always want more than they lead on. 

It was the way he talked, the way he seemingly had all the right answers, the way he used to attack them without any mercy until he became their prisoner, and his tactics changed. 

The way he smiled and looked at Allura. How he held her close and whispered things in her ear that made her light up. 

The way Shiro agreed with him on everything.

Shiro was also different. 

Everything was just so different.

Lance wanted absolutely nothing to do with Lotor, but no one, not even Hunk, listened. 

He was on his own. 

He did everything he could to figure out Lotors plan. Watched him as he worked, tried to access as many of the prince’s files as he could, and even snuck into his room once, trying to find anything that would confirm the suspicion in Lance’s mind. 

It wasn’t until after the omega shield that he finally got what he wanted.

Hunk and Pidge had brushed him off, as has been the usual for the past couple movements, blaming his suspicions on jealousy. If Lance wasn’t so angry he would have laughed. Sure he liked Allura. But not so much so that he was blinded by it. She would never see him the same.  And she wasn’t Keith.

He was sitting in the smaller common room, tapping away at a database pad when he walked in. 

Lance had immediately tensed, keeping his eyes trained on the information in front of him. 

“Everyone is having dinner.”

“Did they send you to find me?” he snorted, scrolling through the pages and pages of words, but he couldn’t seem to read any of them.

“No, I came because I wanted to find you.”

“Well, you found me.”

“Forgive me if this is intrusive, but I’ve noticed that you don’t seem to like me much. Was it something I said?”

Lance rolled his eyes. “Why do you care?”

“Because I want to be your friend. I’m rather fond of you, you know. You remind me of someone I used to know. He was...a very good friend.”

The answer wasn’t what Lance was expecting. And Lotor’s closeness also wasn’t something he was expecting as he finally looked up from the datapad, blinking as Lotor crouched in front of him, eyes staring into him, a murky memory hiding in the irises. 

And that’s when Lance realized what he had to do. 

A feeling he hadn’t felt in over a year starting boiling inside of him, clawing at his insides as he forced himself to soften his face, putting the data pad down and parting his lips slightly. 

“I do?”

The question was simple, just a sprinkle of innocence mixed in, and Lotor was hooked.

“Yes, and I want you to know that I value your input on this journey we are all on as much as Shiro or Allura’s. You are a vital member of the team after all.”

Lotor’s game was that he played with people, telling them the words they wanted to hear. Lacne was no different. Even though he knew what Lotor was playing at, he couldn’t help but feel his heart clench as the words dripped out of the prince's lips like honey. 

“I-I am?”

There was less acting in that last one, but the creature inside Lance ravaged on, making his pulse quicken as Lotor looked at him with lidded eyes. 

“You are. You are so important Lance. To the team, and to me.”

Lance couldn’t remember who kissed who first.

* * *

Lance knew exactly the type of person Lotor was. 

He was a monster, ravenous and insatiable, just like his father. Even if he tried to be different, a more gentle and caring ruler, he still lusted after power and glory. 

He was the same in bed, always chasing after his own pleasure. Even if Lance cried and begged for him to slow down, to loosen the binds that held him or to even just stop and let him breathe, Lotor wouldn't listen. He was too blinded by his own euphoria. 

Lance couldn't help but see the similarities between Lotor and the jefe. 

He was always kind after, tending to Lance, cleaning him and dressing any wounds that appeared during their trysts. He held Lance until his cries subsided and his breathing regained normalcy. And unlike the jefe, he continued to be kind to Lance even outside the bedroom. Not too kind of course, they didn't want to give anything away. 

If Lance were normal, he would have fallen in love by now. 

But he wasn’t. He saw through the fair-weather gaze, watched the storm that rumbled deep inside the prince, like a beast waiting to be unleashed. 

It all but solidified Lance’s belief that they were working with a ticking time bomb. 

He did everything he could to warn the others, but once again his concerns fell on deaf ears as they continued to help build the sincline ships. 

He saw Lotor and Allura continue to get close, and it made him sick, looking at how smitten Allura was with Lotor, only for him to look over her shoulder and stare at Lance with knowing, dilated eyes. 

Lance felt sorry for Allura. After all, he was the one fucking Lotor behind her back, all the while she remained obliviously in love. Then again, another part of him didn't feel bad. In fact, there was almost this sick satisfaction that finally, he had something over her. 

He was more fucked up than he thought. 

* * *

Lance and Lotor were two sides of the same coin, desperately searching for a way out of the life that they were forced into. Both heirs to an empire they didn't want, at the whims of a cruel and coldhearted man. Broken down until they were shells of their former selves.

They both had dreams of freedom and salvation. Of having a life they could call their own without anybody taking from them 

Yet there was the one, crucial difference. 

One did everything for love, even if he didnt believe much in it. All his struggles and sacrifices, the pain that he went through, he always did it for others. 

The other had no love left in the world. A dead mother, an evil father, a whole planet destroyed because of his love for them. So he did everything for control and power. To help himself. To take back what was taken from him. No matter what.

Lance and Lotor were two sides of the same coin. So it wasn't so strange that they became drawn to another, for they each had what the other person didn't. Lance was full of love, and Lotor full of power 

* * *

The night before Lotor and Allura were to enter the quintessence rift was the first time Lotor was gentle with him.

His hands were soft, and slow, as if trying to memorize the curves and planes of Lance's body from where the red paladin sat in his lap. Claws lightly scratched, sending shivers down Lance's spine, mouth opening in a silent gasp as Lotor rocked into him, panting against his neck, before he tugged on Lance's hair, pulling him into a languid kiss. Lance, as always, opened his mouth to welcome the prince, and they sat there for a while, Lotor slowly thrusting as the paladin moaned into the kiss.

When Lotor finally broke the kiss, Lance felt his breath go with him

The prince's eyes were hiding nothing, the only thing inside them was the desire and arousal he felt. Somehow that terrified Lance more than the darkness in them before.

"You're so beautiful."

Lance cried as he and Lotor climaxed, feeling as though something inside him was ripping apart.

Lotor didn't have to say it. Lance already knew.

This was the last time they would be together. 

* * *

Keith’s return destroyed everything, and Lance had never been more grateful. 

He was right all along. Lotor was just using them. 

Lotor was just using him. 

It wasn't heartbreak that Lance felt, it was disappointment. 

Maybe there was a part of him that believed Lotor wasn't bad. Especially after-

Having Keith back brought a happiness Lance hadn't felt in a long while, a drive that he thought was gone returned, spurring him on to do what he could to make things right.

The battle with Lotor was difficult. Even in Voltron, they were no match for the sincline ship. Lance poured every inch of hate and pain that he could into the fight, hoping that Lotor would feel it and break apart with the sheer force of it. 

But Lotor was too far gone for that.

He raged and raged and raged against them, spilling out the ten thousand years of hatred that he kept tucked away. Every blow sent the team spinning away, with barely enough time to recover for the next one. 

Lance couldn't help but feel responsible for Lotors actions. 

If he had insisted more, proven to the team that Lotor was evil, this wouldn't have happened. No one would have gotten hurt, and everything would be under control.

But he wasn't evil.

Even now, attacking them, Lotor was crying. He could hear the whimpers and sobs through his helmet. Whispered words of 'no', and 'I'm sorry'. 

He didn't know if the rest of the team could hear them. Maybe they could, and they chose to ignore it.

Lance wished for Lotor to be saved, but the quintessence was burning through him faster than anything he's seen. And if he and the team didn't leave, they'd suffer the same fate. 

Sacrifices had to be made to protect those you loved. 

They somehow made it out, only to discover that the universe itself was falling apart. 

Allura and Coran had to make their own sacrifices, and Lance's heart wept for them. 

As they watched the castleship travel slowly into the rift, Lance's comm crackled to life. 

"Are you okay?"

Keith's voice was soft, gentle, nothing like Lance was used to. 

Lance didn't remember what he said in response, but it seemed like it was enough for the black paladin. 

The quintessence consumed everything, and the paladins barely made it out alive. 

Life moved on after tragedy, that was something Lance was used to. The continuous moving forward, marching towards the hope of making things better, even if he kept losing himself along the way

This time it was no different.

It wasn't until they were resting, sitting around the campfire on the meteor, talking, sharing stories and telling jokes in an effort to move past what had happened, that Lance could feel it. 

Another piece of himself was gone, forever stuck inside the quintessence field with Lotor.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ya'll. 
> 
> I haven't been feeling really well these past couple of days. I have no motivation. No goals anymore.
> 
> I've tried talking with my therapist, but it didn't really help much.
> 
> Writing for me has always been a way that I could express how I feel. Any pain, self-loathing, I could just write it all down. 
> 
> But my depression has really gotten in the way of that. Respira is just too hard to write for me right now. So it might be awhile until I can update. I'm not sure. 
> 
> But the story won't ever be abandoned. 
> 
> What I'll most likely do is put the story under construction, just get in there and fix all the grammar and spelling issues. Then, when the time comes, I'll update. 
> 
> I also decided I would start publishing all these little side stories I had. These are things I either edited out, or just wrote as companion pieces to the story of Respira. 
> 
> Lotor and Lance were always a dynamic I was fascinated with. One of the very first musical/fic ideas I had was a Heather inspired story. One where Lotor was JD and Lance was Veronica. But I decided to table it for another time, after all it was getting too complicated. 
> 
> Anyways, to me, Lotor and Lance are foils to each other, some of which is explained in this fic, but other reasons I may just talk about later. While I never shipped them, I always had a thing for them coming together. And I think, what with the story of Respira, it would make sense to have them have this weird tension. Neither of them know what they really want out of this sexual dependancy. Lance thinks its to find proof to take Lotor down, and Lotor thinks its an easy way to dissuade Lance from finding him out, but in the end, it doesn't really end up at either of those things. 
> 
> To call it love would be wrong. What they have isn't love. The best word I can come up with for it is comfort. They need this more than anything, something to prove that they aren't alone in this fucked up situation.
> 
> But at the end of the day, they chose their paths.
> 
> Theres a lot more I had paired with this small ficlet, i'll maybe post it later. A lot of other moments in time from Lances time in space that aren't necessarily needed for the plot of Respira, but good to have to understand relationships and situations better. 
> 
> All in all, I want to thank you all so much for continuing to read and support me. Despite everything, you guys always bring a smile to my face, and I am glad I can bring something to your lives, even if it's just a small little story. 
> 
> You are all the best. 
> 
> I will see you next time
> 
> -SmStf


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